Dear treadmill: It's not you, it's me....

First off, may I say that I get more and more excited for this race every day?!  I just think it's going to be so much fun.... especially since I went to Disneyland this weekend with a few of my friends.  Just seeing the Magic Castle has made me so excited to go back and run through it!

However, castles and magic and Disneyland aside, I have been worrying about my training lately.  I've been running more and more each week, and I've been able to finish all of my runs, including the long ones, but I was worried because it didn't seem to be getting any easier.  I mean, I know it will never be EASY, but I was feeling like every one of those runs was trying to kill me.  See, lately I've been in search of what I've been calling the "effortless mile"- where the first mile of my run seems almost effortless, like the last step is just as easy as the first.  But I've been searching in vain, because I always seemed to start fatiguing around 0.75 miles.  Not enough to make me stop (not even close), but enough that I'm thinking, "Ok, I feel it."  And the fact that I can't seem to find that "effortless mile" is disappointing.

Even more disappointing than that was that I didn't seem to be getting any faster.  You'd think that after 5 weeks of training, I would be running faster, better, and more efficiently, but I was still hovering in that 11:45 pace range.  The treadmill would always be set at 5.0 or 5.1 mph, and sometimes, usually for the last quarter-mile or so, I'd push to 5.2 if I was up to it.  That was my pace, and I stuck to it because I figured that if I was still feeling tired at the same points, I wasn't ready to go faster.

It was really starting to worry me... I mean, I know I've been saying I just want to finish this race in January, but let's be real: I'm an extremely competitive person, though not as much with others as I am with myself.  And while I do want to finish, I want to finish in a time that I can be proud of.... but I was starting to doubt whether or not that was in the cards for me.

And then I read an article on Runner's World that opened my eyes a little bit.  You can read it here (http://othervoices.runnersworld.com/2011/10/my-pacing-problem/), but to summarize, the writer realized that she can run so much faster when she just listens to her body instead of obsessing about the numbers on her pacing watch.  And so I decided to do a little experiment.

Since I'm on a very strict mileage increase schedule to prevent a recurrence of injuries, I had to cut today's run short in order to make room for my 5K on Thursday and my regularly scheduled long run on Saturday.   So today was quite short- only 1.5 miles- but I decided to use it to experiment with my pace.  I figured that even if I went out too fast and had to slow down to a shuffle, I wouldn't have to suffer for that long.

So I got on the treadmill and picked out what seemed to be a ludicrous speed: 5.3 miles per hour, or an 11:20 pace.  I was sure it was going to be a disaster, but I turned up the treadmill and started running.  I actually felt pretty good, and after a while, I realized that I had gotten so absorbed in my music that I hadn't checked the treadmill panel in a while.  I looked down, and I swear my heart skipped a beat.

There it was.  The effortless mile.  I was already to 1.05 and I barely felt anything.  I turned it up to 5.4 mph and coasted through the next half-mile, and it was still feeling pretty easy by the time I hit the end of the run.  I had run 1.5 miles at an overall 11:15 pace (a full 25 seconds faster than my normal pace), and I know I could have gone harder.

As an avid indoor runner, I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe it's time for me to graduate from the treadmill; I've loved it for so long because it does all the pacing for me.  But looking back, I realize that my obsession with those numbers and with the 11:45-12:00 pace was holding me back.  I was so scared of getting too tired, of not being able to finish, that I wasn't running at my full potential.  I was so dead-set on running at "my" pace that I was wearing myself out by running too slowly.  Maybe it's time to hit the road, to run by feel and to stop constantly analyzing.  I realize now that it is getting easier, and I am getting faster- I just need to ignore the numbers and listen to myself for a change.  

Wow, what a day!

Today was a big BIG day!!! I ran 4 miles this morning at an overall 11:40 pace.... not bad, right?!  Admittedly, I was struck by a major side stitch at the beginning of mile three and stopped for about five seconds to stretch it out, but still not too shabby.

However, I have been getting a lot of these cramps on my long runs (though this was the first time I actually had to stop for a moment).... I'm trying to figure out what's causing them, because they're a major pain in the butt.  I've been experimenting with different combinations of foods for night-before and morning-of, amounts of water, and lengths of time between eating and running, so hopefully I'll figure it out soon enough and stop these cramps in their tracks!

But enough talk about that... let's talk about good things that happened today!!  So I have this Nike+ system that tracks all of my workouts for me online, and I am totally obsessed with it.  It's so easy to use, and the amount of information that it gives you about your running is incredible.  As someone who loves hard numbers and empirical data, I don't know how I ever ran without one.  But here are all of the wonderful things that Nike+ informed me of today:

First of all, I ran a 5K PR!  (Two definitions for those who don't know the lingo: PR stands for "Personal Record," and a 5K is 3.1 miles.)  What's really weird about it is that I wasn't even watching it; I was just trying to make it to 4 miles without dropping dead, and happened to run my fastest 5K ever, clocking in at 36:02 (11:37 pace).  I'm running a 5K next weekend with my family, and I'm excited to see what my time will be for that; I'm hoping to do 35 minutes.  I'll definitely be able to push myself a little harder since I won't have to keep going after the 3.1 mark...

Second, Nike+ allows you to set personal goals and participate in challenges, and I met my first goal today: to run 19 miles in 3 weeks.  I now have a little gold medal that shows up on my homepage, and I'm thinking about setting another goal for the rest of November, but I haven't decided on a distance yet... I'll let you know when I figure it out!

If I'm this pumped for a virtual internet medal, I can only imagine what it'll be like to get my first real one in January...

And third, Nike+ has levels.  They're divided up by mileage, and logging a certain number of miles on your Nike+ system advances you to the next level.  Everyone starts out on the yellow level, and then you advance to orange, then green, blue, purple, and black.  I think you have to log 5,000 kilometers (3,107 miles) to hit the black level........ not in this lifetime!  However, you are required to log 30 miles (50K) to advance to the orange level, and as of today, I'm at 29.29!  Less than one mile to go.... after next Tuesday, I'll no longer be a Nike+ newbie!

So close... Orange level, here I come!

Three pretty cool things all in one day, not to mention the fact that I actually made it to 4 miles..... I'd say it was a successful day.  Overall, training is going really well; in fact, it's going better than I ever could have hoped for!  It's hard, but I'm loving it, and that's what counts, right?

Look at that nice slow buildup... just what the doctor ordered!

On a concluding note, I have one more milestone to share, but this one's not quite as cut-and-dry as a PR or hitting a mileage goal- this one's a little more subtle, a little more progressive, but important nonetheless.  You know, I've been so busy looking forward lately- planning training runs, ticking off long run distances, looking up races- that I haven't had much time to look back and to reflect on how I got here and how far I've come, but it really hit me over the head on one of my runs this week.  I was getting close to the end, and I found myself thinking, "Here we go, the final push.... Just a half-mile to go."  And then suddenly it struck me: When I started running a year and a half ago, at the end of my freshman year, I could only run a half-mile at a time.  I would run a half-mile, walk a half-mile, and then repeat it two or MAYBE three times.  That was pretty much all I could handle.  And now here I am, just eighteen months later, and what I once considered a full interval is the "final push"?!  That's pretty amazing to me.

Today's Buzzword is PAIN.

I've heard it said that runners must be masochists.  That there's no way they would put themselves through that unless they actually enjoy the pain.  Heck, I was one of people saying it for a while!  But running is not about liking pain; it's about being willing to tolerate a certain amount of pain and to push through it.

I feel like I hit some kind of long-distance training milestone today: I had a painful run.  I could tell right from the beginning that it was going to be rough... I had a physics midterm and a statistics midterm yesterday, so I haven't gotten as much sleep this week as a I normally do, so I felt tired, and everything just felt off.  I kept telling myself to just relax, to enjoy it, but after 3.5 miles of never hitting my stride, I was ready to get off that treadmill.

Once I was done, I felt terrible.  I was angry for not hitting the pacing goal I had set, everything was hurting, and I couldn't stop the flow of negative thoughts that were telling me "If 3.5 miles was this bad, how are you going to run 13.1?!"  Trying to make myself feel better, I tried to find one positive thing to focus on.  And here's what I found:

First of all, I finished!  I haven't set a time goal for this half-marathon- I just want to put in an effort that I can be proud of and to finish. And so even though I started feeling pain in mile 1 today, I pushed through and finished the scheduled 3.5 miles, and that is an effort to be proud of.

Second, there's good pain and there's bad pain.  Muscle soreness, shortness of breath, fatigue, heart pounding, sweating- that's good pain.  And then there's popping knees, sore ankles, stress fractures, tendonitis, sprains, pulled muscles, shin splints- that's bad pain.  Today was all good pain, and though it feels like that good pain tried to kill me, I know what bad pain feels like, and I should just be grateful because it really could have been so much worse.

Third, I outran the girls who were on the elliptical next to me.  I was already running when they got on, and I was still running when they got off.  And the ultra-competitive side of myself is relishing that fact.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that just because it's a painful run doesn't mean it's a bad one.  It's long-distance running, for heaven's sake; of course, there's going to be pain!  But this is good pain- it will make me stronger, it will make me healthier, and it will give me a sense of accomplishment.  I think the important thing is to acknowledge the pain, learn to tolerate it, and to look past it and see all of the wonderful and positive things the pain brings.

Despite all of these awesome Thursday running revelations, I will be taking a short break this weekend.  I had an slightly abnormal liver function test result last week (seriously nothing to worry about), but my doctor says that this can be brought on by strenuous exercise.  When I talked to her today, she said she wanted to do another one after I took a week off of running- and all other forms of activity, for that matter.  I must have pulled a face when she said it, though, because she kind of trailed of off and said "That's never going to happen, is it?"  Um...... NO.  However, we came to a compromise: I promised that today would be my last run for the week and that I would take the test on Monday (but you can bet I'll be back on that treadmill by Monday afternoon).  It's really not such a bad compromise, anyways, because I'm spending the weekend in New York City!  It should be a really fun trip, and hopefully busy enough that skipping one run won't be devastatingly difficult.  I'll let you know how it goes!

First stop: 5K!

In my quest to make it to 13.1 miles, I've realized that there are a lot of big milestones along the way that I just totally skipped.  That's pretty typical for me, actually- I get really overzealous and I want to just go, go, GO!  This time, though, I've decided to fill in a few of those gaps, the first of which is an official 5K!  I mean, I've run 5K before, but never at an actual event, so I rounded up my family and we registered for the Piedmont Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.  I'm really excited- I think it'll be fun to do something all together as a family and burn some calories before the big dinner!  I'm not really planning on racing; I'm just going to use it as one of my training runs and just go at my usual steady pace (I'm aiming to finish around 35-36 minutes, which is my current 5K time).  My brother, however, is a different story!  He's one of the captains of his cross-country team and can generally run a hilly 3-mile course in 18 or 19 minutes- around a 6:00 per mile pace (almost twice as fast as me- I generally do long runs as about 11:30 pace).  Long story short, he'll end up smoking us all.  The race also gives out awards for the top 3 finishers in each age group; who knows, maybe he'll end up placing!

You know, I've noticed something lately: this blog started out as a way for me to chronicle my journey to my first half-marathon and to keep my family, friends, and generous donors updated on my progress.  (Speaking of which, the fundraising is going really well..... Again, thank you so much to everyone who has donated; your generosity is greatly appreciated!)  However, I feel it turning into so much more than that, because this journey is becoming so much more than the road to a half-marathon: it's the road to a new life and a new sense of self.

Since my discovery and subsequent proclamation last week that I have officially fallen in love with running, I have been trying to figure out what it is that I love about it.  I suppose that part of it is the excitement of racing and the prospect of accomplishment, but I know that something so small and so far off can't be the source of my everyday motivation and willpower.  That's not what gets me up and going.  That's not what makes me feel more and more weightless with each step.  That's not what makes me sad when I finish my long run, knowing I'm facing two whole days of rest and cross-training.  There has to be something more, and I've been trying to figure out what it is.  And I think I may have put my finger on it.

To help with flexibility and build joint, muscle, and tendon strength, I've been taking yoga once or twice a week with an instructor named Isabelle DuSoleil (what an awesome name, right?).  She teaches in a style that she herself invented, called Energetic Vinyasa Flow, which focuses on using breath, energy, and rhythm in order to create inner strength and mindfulness.  I really love it, and I feel like it has helped me so much and in so many ways, but something Isabelle said during Monday morning's class really struck me.  She has said it before, but this time it clicked: she referred to yoga as the "moving meditation."

Moving meditation.  That's what I love about running.  It requires so much energy, so much focus, and so much strength that there is no room left in my body or mind for anything else.  I am totally alone with myself.  And it's changing me.  With every mile, every minute, and every step, I can feel my body, mind, and spirit strengthening.  I feel strong, powerful, determined, and, most of all, peaceful.

Running is meditation in motion.

New shoes and a new perspective....

They finally came!  As I mentioned earlier, my old running shoes were a bit too small and were damaging one of my toenails, so I ordered some new ones... Unfortunately, I've been waiting on them for quite some time now because the UPS guy doesn't have a key to my apartment building, so they tried to deliver them twice to no avail.  Somehow, they finally managed to get in the door a few days ago, and I'm super excited!  I totally had a little George of the Jungle moment pulling them out of the box (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1gl-uPS-2Y and skip to 7:25.... such a funny movie!).

I debuted these little puppies on my long run on this morning.... At first, I thought they were too big and that maybe I should have gotten the narrow, but after I started running they felt fine.  Maybe I'll get some thicker cushioned socks to help with the size difference... I am in desperate need of some new running socks anyways.  I really loved my old shoes (the Nike Pegasus 27), but they've discontinued them, so these are the Pegasus 28!  I mean, they look a bit different, but the ride feels about the same.... and hopefully they won't damage any more of my toenails!

And I must say, shoes aren't the only things changing around here.  As you know, I've been back to running for three weeks now following my time off for my stress fracture, and these three weeks have been unlike any other running experience I've ever had.  I ran briefly in high school, and have been running on and off for a year and a half, but have often been sidelined due to injury or lack of motivation.  I just never understood it..... why do people love this so much?!  In high school, running was akin to going to the dentist- if my parents hadn't pushed me to do it in a desperate attempt to help me lead a healthier life, it NEVER would have happened (and it usually didn't).  But after my first year of college, I began running to combat the dreaded Freshman 15, and I found I didn't hate it as much as I remembered.  In fact, it wasn't that bad at all.

But I didn't love it.  I didn't dread it, but it was more of something that I SHOULD do or something I NEEDED to do.  I made myself do it because I knew it was good for me, and because I felt good after I ran.  But I didn't love it.

But ever since I started training for this race three weeks ago, everything has changed.  I WANT to run... I NEED to run.  For the first time, I'm running towards something, and that has made all of the difference in the world.  I'm so excited for all of the opportunities that lie ahead: new challenges, new distances, new places, new races, new people... there's so much out there!  I can't quite put my finger on it, but one thing I know for sure: I'm in love.